I can choose to attach what I feel to any situation?
I never knew I could attach my feelings to any particular situation, I mean really??? I get to choose? Up until taking the Master Keys MasterMind Alliance course I have to honestly say this whole idea was completely foreign to me. I had no idea I could choose. I had always thought whatever the circumstances were it was circumstances that determined my feelings not the other way around. I had a very poignant example of this very thing this past week.
I am among other things a nanny, and use a particular website to procure employment, and have been very successful in doing so. This past week a potential employer (who by the way hired me) asked to run a background check. I complied because there is nothing in my background to hide. I have never committed a crime, been served a summons, been charged with anything, or even seen the inside of a courtroom. My record is as clean as a whistle, so imagine my shock and dismay when I received an email from the company I use to get my positions from stating that based on my background check I am suspended and can no longer use them or their website to apply for jobs because I present a safety risk. ( I kid you not! I wish I were making this stuff up!) I immediately went into crisis mode. I looked at my background check and the only thing on it was a ticket for having an expired inspection sticker. Seriously???? THIS is what you suspend me for? Watch out folks, I’ve received a ticket for an expired inspection sticker your children are not safe around me! (Note the sarcasm! )I felt humiliated, horrified, and like my reputation had been destroyed and managed to spin myself into an outright depression. This is my reputation that I have worked so hard to keep clean and without blemish. Instead of feeling angry (that came later) I felt fearful and despondent. The story I played in my mind was OMG, I will NEVER get employment again, Which means I won’t be able to support myself and my son, and ultimately I would be out on the street, homeless or dependent on the state living in a shelter. Oh yeah, I am great with creating story lines with the worst outcomes and living in the future instead of the here and now. (Just another thing we are being taught to do in MKMMA) This might sound over the top and a little silly all because of a ticket for no inspection sticker, but for me it was about my reputation and what people would think of me. Trust me when I say I felt totally victimized, and was beside myself. I called my brother who is a rock in my life. I was hysterical, and inconsolable. It took my seventeen year old son to stop me dead in my tracks. He simply said, “Mom don’t you think this might be God’s way of saying you’re not supposed to be a nanny anymore? No one knows what tomorrow will bring. You’ve been to school and are going to be a certified life coach” Huh?? No that thought didn’t even occur to me. I was too caught up in playing the victim. It’s funny, in a strange way, I say I no longer want to be a victim, yet it’s the very first thing I go to in my arsenal of emotions. I really had to think about this. The first thing it did was stop the hysteria, the woe is me, doom and gloom portrait that I was painting for myself.I did try to call the company and managed to get someone that I could barely understand who was obviously reading from a script. I got no where. I asked for a supervisor, and got nowhere there either. In the meantime my brother had the presence of mind to look up complaints against the company whose website I was using, and we came up with numerous pages, citing the same scenario I was going through, and because we all agreed to their terms of service (we had to in order to use the site) we all had no recourse. Great! Now I was angry! (new emotion I decided to assign the situation)
After a while I decided it was time to regroup. I really didn’t like and was uncomfortable with the feelings I had, and through MKMMA honestly knew better. The person that ran the background check did in fact hire me, but I was still left with this unsettled feeling that I knew I had to work through. The reality is I really don’t like living in victim mode. So then what? How do I get out of it? The thought that we can attach any feeling to a situation kept playing over in my mind. First I decided to reel myself in and keep my head where my feet are planted. I needed to stay in the now, and right now I have several jobs, and am doing well financially, much better than I was doing last year at this time, and I decided to be very grateful for what I had, and what I had been given.. It was a conscious decision. The next step was to realize not only do I need to live in the now, but the truth is I have no idea what tomorrow will bring. Stay out of the future! Funny thing is when I let those two thoughts penetrate I felt better, and actually decided I wasn’t going to let this situation define me, I do not present a safety risk to children and their families, I know this about myself, I am dependable, caring , devoted to the children in my care among other assets, and anyone , the people that really matter, friends and family who believe in me know this to be true and I wasn’t going to let it drive me into a depression, been there done that. It sucks! Nope, don’t want to go there. So I decided to pull up my bootstraps, let it go and move on.
Seems as though my seventeen year old has far more wisdom than I, and I let that sink in and embraced it. Who knows, if I stay in the here and now, do the next right thing, and apply the principles of MKMMA, my future has the potential to be awesome beyond my wildest dreams, but I can’t even afford to go there because though reading my DMP is another thing altogether if I continue to live my life painting scenarios of the future, and let the dreams of the future determine my attitudes and feelings. I am crippling myself, and I DO miss the now, and the future I would be dreaming of would be just that a dream, because I’m not doing the work right now that is required to gain a better future and because I am so focused on what I am perceived as, along with dreaming of the future, I completely miss the boat! (I’m a true blue; yup a definite people pleaser!)
Oh and another thing we were supposed to have no opinions this week. Guess I really need to start over, because I was full of opinions of: myself, the company whose website I use, the customer service rep, and the supervisor, not to mention all the opinions and comments had I read online about this company, and of course I had my opinions about those too!
I love the whole Master Key Experience, but wow, it’s work, real work….who knew??? Boy, if I employ the lessons, not give in to knee jerk reactions, and think about whatever feeling I choose to respond with, My future is bound to look better. The Universe is waiting!