Leslie Evans MKMMA week 5

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I can choose to attach what I feel to any situation?

I never knew I could attach my feelings to any particular situation, I mean really??? I get to choose? Up until taking the Master Keys MasterMind Alliance course I have to honestly say this whole idea was completely foreign to me. I had no idea I could choose. I had always thought whatever the circumstances were it was circumstances that determined my feelings not the other way around. I had a very poignant example of this very thing this past week. 

I am among other things a nanny, and use a particular website to procure employment, and have been very successful in doing so. This past week a potential employer (who by the way hired me) asked to run a background check. I complied because there is nothing in my background to hide. I have never committed a crime, been served a summons, been charged with anything, or even seen the inside of a courtroom. My record is as clean as a whistle, so imagine my shock and dismay when I received an email from the company I use to get my positions from stating that based on my background check I am suspended and can no longer use them or their website to apply for jobs because I present a safety risk. ( I kid you not! I wish I were making this stuff up!) I immediately went into crisis mode. I looked at my background check and the only thing on it was a ticket for having an expired inspection sticker. Seriously???? THIS is what you suspend me for? Watch out folks, I’ve received a ticket for an expired inspection sticker your children are not safe around me!  (Note the sarcasm! )I felt humiliated, horrified, and like my reputation had been destroyed and managed to spin myself into an outright depression. This is my reputation that I have worked so hard to keep clean and without blemish. Instead of feeling angry (that came later) I felt fearful and despondent. The story I played in my mind was OMG, I will NEVER get employment again, Which means I won’t be able to support myself and my son, and ultimately I would be out on the street, homeless or dependent on the state living in a shelter. Oh yeah, I am great with creating story lines with the worst outcomes and living in the future instead of the here and now. (Just another thing we are being taught to do in MKMMA) This might sound over the top and a little silly all because of a ticket for no inspection sticker, but for me it was about my reputation and what people would think of me. Trust me when I say I felt totally victimized, and was beside myself. I called my brother who is a rock in my life. I was hysterical, and inconsolable. It took my seventeen year old son to stop me dead in my tracks. He simply said, “Mom don’t you think this might be God’s way of saying you’re not supposed to be a nanny anymore? No one knows what tomorrow will bring. You’ve been to school and are going to be a certified life coach” Huh?? No that thought didn’t even occur to me. I was too caught up in playing the victim. It’s funny, in a strange way, I say I no longer want to be a victim, yet it’s the very first thing I go to in my arsenal of emotions. I really had to think about this. The first thing it did was stop the hysteria, the woe is me, doom and gloom portrait that I was painting for myself.I did try to call the company and managed to get someone that I could barely understand who was obviously reading from a script. I got no where. I asked for a supervisor, and got nowhere there either. In the meantime my brother had the presence of mind to look up complaints against the company whose website I was using, and we came up with numerous pages, citing the same scenario I was going through, and because we all agreed to their terms of service (we had to in order to use the site) we all had no recourse. Great! Now I was angry! (new emotion I decided to assign the situation)

After a while I decided it was time to regroup. I really didn’t like and was uncomfortable with the feelings I had, and through MKMMA honestly knew better. The person that ran the background check did in fact hire me, but I was still left with this unsettled feeling that I knew I had to work through. The reality is I really don’t like living in victim mode. So then what? How do I get out of it? The thought that we can attach any feeling to a situation kept playing over in my mind. First I decided to reel myself in and keep my head where my feet are planted. I needed to stay in the now, and right now I have several jobs, and am doing well financially, much better than I was doing last year at this time, and I decided to be very grateful for what I had, and what I had been given.. It was a conscious decision. The next step was to realize not only do I need to live in the now, but the truth is I have no idea what tomorrow will bring. Stay out of the future! Funny thing is when I let those two thoughts penetrate I felt better, and actually decided I wasn’t going to let this situation define me, I do not present a safety risk to children and their families, I know this about myself, I am dependable, caring , devoted to the children in my care among other assets, and anyone , the people that really matter, friends and family who believe in me know this to be true  and I wasn’t going to let it drive me into a depression, been there done that. It sucks! Nope, don’t want to go there. So I decided to pull up my bootstraps, let it go and move on.

Seems as though my seventeen year old has far more wisdom than I, and I let that sink in and embraced it. Who knows, if I stay in the here and now, do the next right thing, and apply the principles of MKMMA, my future has the potential to be awesome beyond my wildest dreams, but I can’t even afford to go there because though reading my DMP is another thing altogether if I continue to live my life painting scenarios of the future, and let the dreams of the future determine my attitudes and feelings. I am crippling myself, and I DO miss the now, and the future I would be dreaming of would be just that a dream, because I’m not doing the work right now that is required to gain a better future and because I am so focused on what I am perceived as, along with dreaming of the future, I completely miss the boat! (I’m a true blue; yup a definite people pleaser!) 

Oh and another thing we were supposed to have no opinions this week. Guess I  really need to start over, because I was full of opinions of: myself, the company whose website I use, the customer service rep, and the supervisor, not to mention all the opinions and comments had I read online about this company, and of course I had my opinions about those too!

I love the whole Master Key Experience, but wow, it’s work, real work….who knew??? Boy, if I employ the  lessons, not give in to knee jerk reactions, and think about  whatever feeling I choose to respond with, My future is bound to look better. The Universe is waiting!

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Leslie Evans MKMMA Week 4

best-teachers

Meeting Mark

This pretty much describes Mark Januszewski! This week I had the privilege and pleasure to actually meet Mark and visit over a cup of coffee. It was a very exciting, and very emotional time. I think I cried throughout most of our coffee. I also had the privilege to meet fellow MKMMAer Christian Scott. I can’t even begin to explain what it felt like to be in the presence of these two humble, and generous men. Generous with their time, their vulnerability, their insights that were so easily shared. I felt like I had come home, like a student sitting at the feet of the master teacher. Mark in person is honestly just like you see him on the webcast, there is a gentleness about him, and as he shares there is an invitation to join in to be real, vulnerable, and to participate in the sharing. He and Christian touched me to the core. As I sat there with tears streaming down my face both Mark and Christian would share some of their insights and wisdom, which for me were spot on, golden nuggets, and with Christian I felt like I gained a brother that day and the best part…he is local! 

Why the multitude of tears? I think again it was that feeling of coming home, of genuine words being said that touched my heart, and the physical touch of Mark’s hand was extremely comforting, and soothing. For lack of better words, it was a sacred time; a spiritual time. I felt safe and cared for. Mark also has a way of making you feel like spending time with you is the most important thing he has going on in his life at that moment, and then there’s the truth; sitting there in that coffee shop with a man who is genuine, kind, humble, truthful, and has a very spiritual presence was overwhelming!

I am blessed!

Leslie Evans MKMMA Week 3

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Today I Shed My Old Skin

Today I shed my old skin which hath, too long suffered the bruises of failure and mediocrity. Today I am born anew” A quote from Og Mandino. Kind of hard not thinking about the scroll since I read it 3 time a day. This phrase from The World’s Greatest Salesman has great meaning to me both metaphorically and literally. First: I need to think about “Shedding The Old Skin” and what that means to me as written. For me it means taking off the shackles that have bound me for way too long; being stripped of all my failures and mediocre living. It’s time to start over, Easier said than done, because the stripping or peeling off the skin leaves me vulnerable which is necessary for this MKMMA process, but feels so foreign. I don’t like being vulnerable, yet it is exactly what I called to do. I can’t build a new blueprint by  simply writing over the old one; the old one needs to be discarded so I can begin fresh, new, which is the first sentence in this scroll, “Today I begin a new life” How easy is it to wander off of the path and to fall into prior habits that no longer serve me, But it’s my comfort zone, kind of like trying to crawl back into the skin I’ve shed. The good news is, try as I might, it’s impossible. Oh, I might be able to cover some areas at least for a while, but others still remain exposed.

What am I so afraid of? In one word….Change. Yet, isn’t that the very reason for taking this course? To change the blueprint of my life? Lasting and sustaining change? The answer is obviously yes. I am no longer satisfied to suffer the bruises of failure and mediocrity. I want to emerge victorious! 

I started out by saying the phrase I quoted has great meaning to me both metaphorically and literally. I’ve gone over the metaphoric, now lets the tackle the literal: For years I have struggled with my weight, actually it’s been as long as I can remember. Part of my dharma, or DMP is to eat healthfully and to be exercising. So the shedding of skin has a literal connotation for me. It is the shedding of years of accumulated fat. I am using MKMMA to shed that old skin, my weight that for so long has held me captive, and made my life miserable. Talk about suffering the bruises of failure and mediocrity, for me it’s been every day for as long as I remember. Constantly feeling like a failure, and living with the pain it causes me both physically and emotionally.

Well I have decided no more. It’s part of my DMP. For a month it’s been drilled into me every day for 4 weeks. I am applying MKMMA not to overcome this pattern, but to eliminate it entirely.Yes at times it’s uncomfortable. My obesity has served me for many years, it’s been a convenient excuse for almost every way I’ve failed: why someone doesn’t like me, not being able to do certain things physically that I didn’t really want to do anyway; trust me that’s just the tip of the iceberg,  the list goes on much longer, but I’m building a new blueprint here in this area of my life as well. SO here’s to the journey. Here’s to new blueprints and the shredding of the old.

I am shedding my old skin, and beginning my life anew. So glad I’m not on this journey alone! 

Leslie Evans MKMMA Week 2

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Another week has flown by, knowing I must master my thoughts. I keep coming back to the first part of this quote: “Today I begin a new life.” It is the first sentence of Scroll 1 in the book “The Greatest Salesman in the World”  by Og Mandino. I read this three times a day for a month, do a sit, or meditation daily, and read the “Master Keys” by Charles Haanel. So far it has been two weeks, and though sometimes my old blueprint fights it, (it can be lazy) it is already becoming a part of me.

“Today I begin a new life….” and it feels amazing. If I follow the plan I can build a new blueprint for my life, and it won’t be the same old, same old. It IS actually a new life. A new way of thinking, a new way of attaching whatever feeling I choose to attach to any circumstance; a new way of being! I have built the life I know today, and I must say I’m not really happy with the result. The great news is I don’t have to continue along this path I am building new habits daily, changing the blueprint. It’s exciting! 

And yes most definitely yes: Today I begin a new life. I WILL greet this day with love in my heart .  

   And so the Journey continues!

Leslie Evans MKMMA Week 1

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The Journey Begins Anew
Ahh… the SWEET feeling of coming home. That’s what MKMMA 2016 is for me. I started MKMMA 2015, but due to circumstances in my life at that time with a heavy heart, and after talking it over with my guide I put MKMMA aside knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt I am called to the Hero’s Journey, yet I had come to the inevitable conclusion that the timing just wasn’t right. I was crushed, and felt so disappointed. In the time that I had participated, up until January, I could already see and feel the changes, so I knew the power of the MasterMind. Thank God for my guide at the time, Shelby Nolan as well as Dayna Merry. They both reminded me that I wasn’t turning my back on the call. I wasn’t saying good bye to the MKE and a life altering experience I was simply saying there were things I first needed to get in order, and I’ll be back. I feel the call, and now in 2016 I am privileged to be able to answer the call
I sat through yesterday’s webinar like a kid being let loose in a candy store. I was excited, and humbled. There were things that I picked up, that I had either already forgotten, or just never got the first time. I feel almost giddy with anticipation. I am a student eager to learn who I am and how to be. I am like clay in the potter’s hand just waiting to be molded, but the crazy thing is I am also the potter. I’m the one molding myself. What an exhilarating feeling. I am truly grateful, humbled, and joy-filled.
I am coming home, not to MKMMA, but to myself, the me I am meant to be. MKMMA is the vehicle being used to transport me along the path home, and  also shows me the guide posts along the way. It’s also wonderful knowing I am not alone in this process. I am traveling with like-minded people. We are all traveling to different but similar destinations, and we’re in it together.
Yesterday the first chunk of cement fell from the Buddha. It has already begun!